I'm being shaped.

No matter how old we get we never stop having experiences that shape who we are. This week has been one big fat shaping experience. I'm feeling stronger and more confident in my ability to make the right choice under extreme pressure but I'd be lying if I said I appreciate the experience. I'm not to that point yet. Not really sure if I ever will be. I don't think anyone should ever have to go through what I have this week but unfortunately I know that plenty of others do. I don't know any personally but I'm sure they are out there. I don't want to get into details on here but I found myself almost losing a close family member and then I found myself in a position of having to choose between doing what I knew was right for her and doing what she wanted in the moment. I had to risk one of the most important relationships in my life to stick to doing the right thing. It was terrible and hard. But I never wavered. Even though I wanted to. I even wanted to curl up in a ball and just give up. But I couldn't. She would never give up on me and I will never give up on her. It's the agreement that we've always had with each other. And we always will. It's slowly improving with each day and there is a long road ahead but rest assured that we will be on that road side by side every step of the way. And in the end, both of us will be better for it. That's what it's all about.

Trying to be a good Mother-In-Law & Grandma!

I'm 26. In less than 3 weeks I will officially be a Mother-In-Law. In less than 10 weeks I will officially be a grandma. Holy cow. It's no secret that I've been having a hard time with this situation. I have my own feelings, experiences, and trauma with this kind of situation. It's been hard to see past all of it. But I have to. I really really have to. Because its not about me. Because its not my decision to make. Because its not directly my life. Because my job is to love and support. No. Matter. What. So that's what I'm doing. And I realized that this whole thing might be a lot easier for me if I would just surrender to it and make the best of it all. So I'm doing what any good Mother-In-Law would do and I'm taking time to get to know Maddie. I'm trying to let her know that I am here for them in my own little way... I'm taking her out to lunch today and then to do some shopping for stuff for Avery... you know, like any good Grandma would do. And I gave them Max's crib and changing table. And, I'm making the bedding for the crib. Trying to be a good grandma... My Grandma Long was an awesome grandma and she was always making me stuff so I figure I can make stuff for Avery and be the coolest 26 year old grandma you've ever seen. Besides, that is the best way that I show people I love them is by making them stuff. It's just what I do. I guess I get that from my grandma... Maybe Avery will get that from me? Wow. First time I've thought about it like that. I really hope that I can be the kind of Grandma and Mother-In-Law that will influence others like that. We'll ask Maddie and Avery in a few years how I'm doing. Hopefully I don't make too many mistakes. I'm new at this you know. :)

Bring it on 2011!

The other day I was going through some of my posts for the past year and I came across the one about New Year's last year. I talked about how 2009 was a tough year and that I hoped that 2010 would be better. Come to think of it, I've said that about the past 2 or 3 years. So, this year instead of saying "I hope that 2011 will be a really great year", I'm saying, Bring it on 2011! Give me all you got! I can take it. After the past few years I can definitely take it. Don't get me wrong, There have been many great moments and memories. Some of the best in my life in fact. But I have never been so stressed in my entire life... and I'm not a stressed out person in general. So maybe, just maybe, the universe will send me a little break if I tell it to give me all it's got. I think it's been trying to send me a message that I can't tell it what to do. Let's hope it works. I doubt it though. I have a lot coming up this year so if the universe isn't going to give me a break, just pray that I can get through everything with a little grace and my dignity. I guess that's all I can really ask for.



Here's what I am looking forward to in 2011 and I'm sure I'll have some surprises thrown in throughout the year too.



1. Tristyn is turning 18 in a couple weeks and will graduate in June. She is probably going to go to SUU in the fall. Another one of our kids is grown up. I can't believe it.



2. Kyle is getting married on February 5th. I can't believe that he is going to have a family of his own and that I am going to have a daugter-in-law. Sometimes I feel so old!



3. Kyle and Maddie will be welcoming their first child around March 25th. She will be the first grandchild on all sides of the family so there will be no shortage of spoiling and adoration for this little girl. Even though the idea of being a grandma does freak me out a little I can't wait to spoil her. Talk about feeling old sometimes!



4. Kassidy will turn 14 in June and start high school in August. Seriously! I know she will pass through it with flying colors... she is such a great girl and really has her head on straight. She is so mature for her age that even though part of me still believes she is still 6 there is another part of me that believes that she is a few years older than she is. Funny how that works.



5. This one already happened but it will take awhile for it to set in and seem real... Jakson turned 12 and was ordained a deacon on Sunday. I'm proud of the little man he is becoming and I pray every day that he will stand true to himself and what he believes. Life is so hard for kids these days and its hard to stand for what's right sometimes. I really hope that he will have the strength to do that.

There are a lot of other things with extended family that we also have to look forward to this year and I know that life will sneak up behind us with plenty of surprises too. This year is looking like it may be the busiest one yet but I am ready for it. So bring it on!

What are you looking forward to this year?

Sometimes...

Sometimes I feel like I'm watching a train wreck in slow motion and there's nothing I can do to stop it... Dang parenting.

I never win anything

I never win anything. It's a fact. I really have never won a drawing or anything like that. Some of the blogs I follow have giveaways and I always enter for them but as now I have yet to win anything. I figure that if I keep entering its only a matter of time right??? Well I hope that the time has come because I really really really want to win this one. It's for the Sillouhette Craft Cutter and I must have it... That means that if I don't win it I'll have to buy it but you all know how cheap I am and unfortunately this thing blows my "never pay more than $20 for anything" thing way out of the water. So please please please keep your fingers crossed for me to win this thing... Heaven knows I deserve to win something finally!

Check out the giveaway for yourself here... http://thriftydecorchick.blogspot.com/

Check out this cool gadget here... http://www.silhouetteamerica.com/whatcanitdo.aspx

Where does all the time go?

Just a quick update.... it's been a couple weeks and I keep thinking I need to post stuff on here. It's been a busy month or so and things just are not slowing down. I figured that I would take a couple minutes for a quick update today but I promise I will post photos and stuff from the craziness of the past month later. I've been doing some fun things and I don't want to forget them.

I started my job on the 10th and have been trying to adjust to all of that. Working 3 days a week seems like a lot more than I expected. In fact, I don't think I really got any house work done last week. We were all fighting the flu too though. But still, I have really been feeling like I'm never home anymore. I know that I'll adjust and get into a rythm, Thayne will just have to be patient about the house work until then. Max has been noticing how much I've been gone too. He's been clinging to me in some really subtle ways but he never used to cling to me at all before. It will be good for him to get more time with Thayne though and I really have enjoyed letting my brain work a little more. The job is great. All of the people are really nice and I think I'll really enjoy working there. It's been a huge boost to my ego too. I was worried that I wouldn't be able to remember anything about working in an office but once I got there it all came flooding back into my mind. I'm quite impressed with myself. :) And it has been fun to learn some new things too.

Look forward to some new updates and photos within the next few days...